One last post, and good-bye.

I would like to thank all of you for reading my blog, especially those that gave me feedback, or had something to say about it. As much as I found blogging my thoughts fun, I decided that it’s time to move on.

I find that I am not worthy enough to air my comments publicly, because looking back, a lot of the things I have said really lacked maturity, and i have yet to see the world, neither do I know people enough. Who gave me the right to judge and share it with the world?

Kw and his friends are right, I really lack maturity. I am blunt, I am not aware of what people feel, I do not listen closely to what people are telling me, and I do not take note of details around me. Sometimes I can come off as arrogant or ignorant, even though I don’t mean to.

This hasn’t affected just kw, but friends which I known through him, as well as some of my own friends, who have deserted me in the past because they could not tolerate it. Although, back then I didn’t see it as my problem, and labelled it as a ‘mismatch of opinions’

My parents just went through a horrible string of arguments which involved divorced. Thankfully, they made up. However, it started with my dad not being able to keep to his word, and assuming everything is alright, and that caused my mum to be frustrated and she blew up. Both of them are very short tempered, and soon the war started, and I was at loss at what to do.

During that time, I couldn’t sleep and I had a lot of time to reflect upon myself. If the divorce really happened, I had to grow up. I have to stop using my age as a way to defend myself, and anyway soon I’m already entering NS. I have to learn how to be independent, I have to learn how to deal with people if I was getting a job to support my dad or mum, and most of all, I had to be stronger in every aspect to make up for the lack of either parent. At that moment, I saw myself as weak and pathetic, and I couldn’t stand it anymore.

Although things turned out alright for them as I mentioned, I still feel the importance of growing up and learning to be a better person.

There are so many bridges that have been messed up or broken in my life, and I know it would be impossible to mend all of them. However, I know that I want to start anew, and I would at the very least try to mend those that are closest to me.

Words without actions are meaningless, and it will take time to show that I really changed. Nevertheless, I would like to take the opportunity to apologize to my family, kw, my ex, kw’s friends, my classmates, friends and acquaintances. I couldn’t sleep the entire night, not just because my parents were fighting, but also because I felt horrible for the negative impression and feelings I gave people, in which many cases I didn’t mean. If it were me, I would have highly disliked myself too.

Nevertheless, to all of you I really hope that you might consider giving me a second chance, and no matter how hard it is for me, I will continue to improve upon myself.

Therefore as a start, I am closing this blog, to shut the old me up, and to start afresh. I won’t be posting on blogs anymore, and I will be working on my academics, my relationships, and in the future my career.

Thank you so much for sticking with my blog!

— You will be in my prayers
BiBoy

Protected: To kw:

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password:

Homosexuality in the Bible: God does not condemn us

http://www.soulforce.org/article/homosexuality-bible-gay-christian

Take it with a pinch of salt, even if you are gay. But definitely a good read, will place it in the useful links 🙂

–BiBoy

Labeling is overrated

It took me a while to actually accept this fact, but why do we have the need to label our status or our emotions which are not absolute?

The most famous example is: What is love?

Google that, and you have a gajillion sites telling you the definition of love, when is the right time to love, 100 sonnets that talk about love etc. Are they really that necessary, or do they just confusion?

Words like ‘love’, ‘boyfriend/girlfriend’, ‘dating’ can be so subjective because different people have different standards and definitions for each of them. Therefore when it comes to meeting potential life partners, these words sets standards for us, which in actual fact is not required. It makes it technical and rigid, and the partner’s conflicting definition will not see eye to eye, and end in a ‘you did not care for me;Yes I did, u just don’t appreciate my way’ argument.

Isn’t knowing that the person makes you happy and enjoying each other’s company enough? Why the need to label status for the sake of coping with our inability to not use words to mark our progress towards life partnership. Que Sera Sera, whatever will be, will be.

After learning this fact, I felt emotionally free, knowing that I can be much happier without having the need to give grief or fear to myself in relationships, and avoiding so many possible conflicts in the future.

–BiBoy

What do you deem as maturity?

I faced a serious crisis with this issue. I was seen as not mature enough for the fact that I was not able to control my temper when it come to problems or issues, and I did it a few times.

I don’t think there is anything wrong being deemed that way, because after all its a matter of perspective. And it is things like this that makes me think about myself, to evaluate and reflect upon my character. However, after much deep thought, I still fail to see how I am being immature.

Yes, flaring up (usually) does not solve any problems, because anger is a relatively useless emotion and it will just cause the other party to feel attacked or oppressed, leading to even more negative emotions and a cycle starts. However, isn’t flaring up a common sign in daily life when someone is passionate about a point and believes he is right, regardless of the issue?

I do admit, on the occasion I can flare up unnecessarily over small issues, and that is a mistake of mine. However, I know I developed this from my parents, from my father who has a history of depression and has problem controlling his anger, and my mom who is naturally short-tempered. Therefore, I definitely rubbed off some of it from them, sometimes me being the one in the line of anger, and I really wish I didn’t. However, unlike them, I don’t want to keep any of it, for it does not help anything for the most part.

Isn’t maturity about being able to be responsible for your actions or any decision you make, and willing to admit the mistakes you make? Isn’t it about being able to think about your own future and to ensure that you have your own basics covered? Isn’t it about being realistic and doing what is necessary? To the best of my knowledge, I am of all these things, for these are the principles I live my life by.

I don’t think I can say much about the part where maturity comes with experience. I agree that you have to go through certain things to know the harsh cruel reality. However, I think I have heard enough to be able to learn and apply certain knowledges and facts of life that I have learnt from the experiences of others.

But as much as working with people and relationships with friends or dates is concerned, I know I am dedicated, and I know what are the must nots that should not be done to sabotage anything.

Therefore, isn’t being temperamental just an inevitable result of the way of my childhood? It’s not something that I blame my parents for, and neither am I defending myself for how i treated others, but it just hooked onto me like a lallang plant’s hook that is floating by. It just happened. And I know that like the lallang hook, it can be plucked off.

Main point is, I think as an 18 year old who has went through his own unique path different from others my age, or maybe even compared to some who are slightly older, I do think I have developed my decent level of maturity, enough for me to be trusted and to be relied upon.

–BiBoy

Protected: To KW:

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password:

WTF? // Gay = Happy :)

From my dashboard:

Top Searches:
“luckily for parents” cushman true,

trevvy penis length

Serious guys? Finding my blog like that? Sigh.
——————————————
Anyone remember the Australian song about the Laughing Kookaburra with the line, “How Gay your life must be!” I always wondered when I was young why they had use that word because it meant homosexual. Obviously, I had not learnt the ‘older’ original meaning back then, which clearly shows how society has really turned the word ‘gay’ into a homosexual label. This article is quite interesting, and demonstrates this aspect.

“Some years back when I started receiving Associated Press news feeds as editor of an LGBT-focused newspaper, I’d regularly receive stories about people named “Gay,” gay old times and happy events and occasionally a certain plane on a secret mission, in addition to my dose of gay news.

These stories would come into my e-mail app because I’d set up the AP system to forward reports containing the words “gay,” as well as “bisexual,” “lesbian” and “transgender.” To make sure I saw international news on our issues, I added “homosexual.”
These days I still get AP news feeds, and I still see stories about people named “Gay” and that World War II bomber. But honestly it’s rare that I come across a story containing “gay” that isn’t either about a gay — homosexual — issue or a person named “Gay.” And even the number of people named “Gay” seems fewer than just a decade ago.

Do we, the LGBT community, now have almost exclusive ownership of this three-letter word?

Do we want exclusive use?

Going back seven years ago to a 2003 Merriam-Webster’s dictionary, I find the first definition for “gay” reads, “adjective, happily excited, keenly alive and exuberant.” The second reads, “bright, lively” and the third states, “of, relating to or used by homosexuals.”

Times have changed.

The first definition of “gay” in my 2010 dictionary reads, “adjective (of a person, esp. a man) homosexual; relating to or used by homosexuals.

The second definition reads, “adjective, lighthearted and carefree; brightly colored; showy; brilliant.”

The third definition is for the noun: “A homosexual, esp. a man.”

The dictionary continues with an explanation — “the centuries-old other senses of ‘gay’ meaning ‘carefree’ or ‘bright and showy,’ once common in speech and literature, are much less frequent.”

Now I’ve always liked the multiple meanings of “gay,” or, rather, the blended meanings of “gay.” I’ve liked the idea that identifying as gay, coming out as gay, celebrating the gay community and fighting for gay equality is about homosexuality and about being keenly alive and exuberant.

The multiple meanings of the word have worked for me in a way that “queer” never did and never will.

Of course I’m thinking about all this because the international news media last week jumped on a story out of Australia about a school principal who replaced “gay” with “fun” in a traditional children’s song so as to avoid any offensive giggles or jibes.

The first verse of the 70-year-old “”Kookaburra Sits in the Old Gum Tree,” a round about an Aussie kingfisher, goes:

“Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree/Merry merry king of the bush is he./Laugh, Kookaburra, laugh, Kookaburra/Gay your life must be!”

Grade school principal Garry Martin decided that last line should be sung, “Fun your life must be.”

His intent was so different than those I have read about in recent years who, embarrassed or offended by the word “gay” sought to edit it out from text or change a street name or remove a subdivision sign or even legally change a given name.

Martin told a radio station, “All I was doing, relatively innocently, was substituting one word because I knew if we sing ‘Gay your life must be’ the kids will roll around the floor in fits of laughter.”

He told the AP, “It wasn’t misplaced political correctness, it wasn’t homophobia, there was nothing really calculated in doing it. I could’ve stopped the whole class and gone into a very caring, supportive explanation of gay … but I was only talking with 7- and 8-year-olds and I think that sort of thing is better explained more fully with parents.”

But regardless of however well intentioned an effort, replacing “gay” with “fun” is the wrong course of action, implying that “gay” is no longer “fun,” that “gay” is no longer “lighthearted,” “carefree,” “brilliant” and “happy,” along with “homosexual.”

So forever sing with joy: “Gay your life must be!”

— Lisa Neff
Quoted from: http://www.365gay.com/opinion/neff-should-gay-still-mean-happy/

—————————————
However, I think it is hard to change it. Sure, words can die off may be after a few decades, but I think the word ‘gay’ is quite a catchy substitute for homosexual. its short, easy to pronounce, and slightly whimsical in nature (GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY, if you recall some childish people chanting it). Homosexual is a relatively long word, after all. I just don’t understand why we had to use a word that already existed to describe homosexuality and add an additional meaning to it.

Even until today, I find myself hesitating to blur our the term ‘gay’, and am more comfortable with using the full ‘homosexual’ or ‘aj’. It’s just not right!

Language is a powerful weapon.

–BiBoy

Tolerance, Acceptance, Embrace

The title suggest different degrees (in increasing order) of the positive attitude a family adopts when they find out that their son is gay. If there were to be a scale:

|TOLERANCE|———–|ACCEPTANCE|———–|EMBRACE|
1 2 3 4 5

For my family, I would say that they are currently somewhere around 2 or 3. I’m not very sure.

I went to a gathering yesterday hosted by one of KW’s friends (let’s call him David). The part which I thought was unique was that it was held at David’s ex’s family’s house. David’s ex had died years ago from cancer. Although I wasn’t sure of their background, I know that the family and David worked hard to support him, and were with him at his final moments together. It must have been a painful experience for all of them. On the other hand, it definitely did bring them closer together, and David treats them like his own family.

The gathering comprised of the family and David’s friends, which included some of the regulars I have met already, along with some new faces. However, David’s friends (who are all gay, in case you haven’t assumed) clearly dominated the conversations in the house in the center of the room. Not surprising, considering we are considerably louder than most straight people in general. I observed that most of the family was by the side playing with the kids, while there were a couple of the family members who really interacted with David’s friends, even though it still wasn’t a lot.

I was thinking to myself: Hmm. KW told me that they embraced David and his ex for who they are. However, they don’t seem to be embracing it, more like accepting it.

After the gathering, KW explained to me that I have been watching too many American shows where the family really embraces the son’s homosexuality as if he was straight. I forgot to consider that David’s friends are closer to each other than to David’s family, so there is obvious clique-ing there. On top of that, the family is after all Asian, so having such a standard in terms of acceptance is considered very positive. Perhaps the family is overall a quiet family, and therefore in contrast with the loud us, they appear passive about homosexuality.

KW as usual, fitted right in with the rest, and even had a couple of the new faces crush him LOL. I on the other hand, was extremely quiet and tired. Perhaps it was because I was unprepared for such a large group with new people that day, and was expecting something quieter. Then again, I can be introverted sometimes, so maybe it is just me.

I thank David, his family and his bf for planning the gathering, and I look forward to the next gathering. Thank you my dear KW for again, introducing to me to more experiences to learn about myself and the society around us 🙂

–BiBoy

Is there a soul mate for everyone?

The first issue I want to briefly talk about is soul mates.

A soulmate or soul mate is a person with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, and/or compatibility. A related concept is that of the twin flame or twin soul – which is thought to be the ultimate soulmate, the one and only other half of one’s soul, for which all souls are driven to find and join. — Wikipedia

To summarize, it is the person who is believed to be your perfect match for life. Sometimes, he even goes by the name of Prince Charming 🙂

According to statistics, 2/3 of the American Population believe that there is a soul mate for everyone.

However, it is my sad duty to report that there is no such thing as a soul mate. Or at least, it’s not realistic.

The concept of a ‘soul mate’ has a connotation of perfection. However, humans by nature are all imperfect. Therefore, how is it possible that one finds a perfect match?

Some may say that perhaps the definition of soul mate should be redefined to have lowered expectations, but I think that would be an argument flaw, as you are merely adjusting the definition to suit your own arguments. The origin of the term ‘soul mate’ comes from a Greek story (read about in Commitment by Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, pray, love), that humans in the beginning of time had 4 legs, 4 arms and a head with 2 faces. However, for fear of being attacked by the formidable humans, Zeus decided to split the humans in half, which leaves us with how we are today. As a consequence however, we are doomed to spend our lives trying to find our ‘other half’ which was originally attached to us, hence you also have the term ‘other half’ to describe your wife/husband.

In other words, if our other half or soul mate was originally attached to us and is part of us, that part must be our perfect half. Just imagine yourself being cloned to perfection, where even your attitude or character is the same. Of course they will develop differently, but the point is that both of you are the exact compliment of each other. Hence, the definition of soul mate cannot be freely adjusted.

Maybe, there IS a soul mate. However, there are billions of people all around the world, not to mention different eras and ages. Perhaps your soul mate is George Washington or Lady Gaga’s daughter (in the future), but the planes of time clearly prevents us from knowing. That is why we make the best out of our current situation and find the closest fit possible. We are all puzzle pieces, but unlike the normal puzzles we don’t have time to try to fit every single one. Therefore, we try to find the one that has the most complementary shapes, and use sticky tape or glue guns to force it together if necessary.

Our relationships are so fragile, that the concept of ‘soul mate’ is just so unrealistic. One fatal mistake, and the person who you thought was your ‘soul mate’ is suddenly the one you hate the most, the one who cost you so much pain. That is because the glue that you used to force you two together just came part and ripped part of you out.

–BiBoy

Hiatus Hiatus Hiatus

Honestly, I have been quite busy these few days and my mood to blog isn’t there. However, I can assure you all that I will be posting again on Friday night, so do be sure to check back! Until then, there won’t be anything up.

Thanks a lot!
BiBoy